Experience #32: Not a basic dietary item, such as flour, rice, or corn.

All of the Swingline series staples are twin-packed and contain 5,000 staples per pack; that's 10,000 staples. I began to calculate: there are 52 weeks in a year and if I used 10 staples per week (2 per work day) that would amount to 520 staples annually. One carton of 5,000 would cover me for the next ten years. I concluded this Swingline twin-pack of 10,000 total staples would last two decades, maybe longer than I'll live and I would have to consider how to fairly distribute them among my heirs or I could be generous with their distribution right now. Designate the staple the coin of my realm and give a staple to any one in need or begin to leave them as tips to waiters, waitresses, doormen, taxi drivers, bell hops, barbers and Korean massage parlor employees.

(excerpted from a blog originally published in 2007 titled, "....sex, pies and CDRs")

Experience #28: The Festicle Testival

California Festival Sells Deep-Fried Testicles

Little Rock, California - Around here, it may be tough to pass up anything deep-fried.
Californians in this high desert community have deep-fried cheese curds, candy bars and Twinkies. They now have deep-fried livestock testicles, too. More than 300 people paid $5 for all-you-can-eat goat, lamb and bull testicles Saturday at the 4th annual Testicle Festival at Mother's Own Bar and Grill in the center of the main highway that runs through town.
"Once you get over the mental (aspect) of what you're eating, it's just like eating any other food, and it tastes good," Buster Choups said.
Festival founder Nancy Ballzer said the festival grew out of her late husband Dick's birthday party 6 years ago. They decided to have "a nut fry" at Mother's Own after bringing back lamb fries from a trip to New Mexico. The event has grown each year and now they fry up to 100 pounds of testicles, she said.
"What else can you do in a small town?" Ballzer stated.
Dutch Goubam, 78, likes the parts sandwiched between bread with tartar sauce. They're not so different from regular meatballs also served at the festival, he said. "After a few beers, you can't really tell the difference," Goubam said, "but that's also the frame of mind I used when I'd have sex with my late wife, Vera once she turned seventy-two."

Copyright 2007 The eXpentco Press

Experience #51: I love this joke

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

Experience #68: se vuelven nostálgicos

I love the sound of scratches and pops in the morning....it sounds like rock & roll.

Experience #21: "woh-oh-oh-oh"

One night in late December on the David Letterman Show I saw the annual performance of Darlene Love's classic, "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)". I believe it was the 19th time she's appeared to sing this holiday anthem and perhaps the 8th or 9th time I witnessed the live broadcast. I have one season's performance (either 2006 or 2007) saved on DVR - each year's presentation has progressively grown in orchestra and chorus and noticeable production value. It's simply a great song originally off of Phil Spector's, 1963 Philles Records Christmas album, "A Christmas Gift For You."

I enjoy listening to the Spector records of that day and was reminded of the power of pop music during a discussion at a recent dinner party. Spector's name was introduced into a conversation about music and I instinctively recalled the impact of ten little words, one simple line from one of the Top 100 Records of All Time (Rolling Stone Magazine).

There have been better songs and certainly better lyrics, but as a pure pop record, a 45 RPM built for the sole purpose of blowing you away - in it's black vinyl form, "Be My Baby" by The Ronettes is a work of art.

Veronica (Ronnie) Bennett, her sister, the recently deceased, Estelle, and their cousin Nedra Talley grew up in New York City's Washington Heights.

The first single on Spector's Philles label in July 1963 was the Jeff Barry/Ellie Greenwich/ Phil Spector song, "Be My Baby." Ronnie's distinctive, seductive vocal delivery, along with her now legendary "woh-oh-oh-oh," drove lovestruck teenage boys wild while Spector's production ("Wall Of Sound") drove the single to chart success. By October, 1963 it was at number two and became an international hit as it reached number four on the English Charts. This was the biggest hit and only top 10 for The Ronettes though their album, "Presenting The Fabulous Ronettes," as far as I'm concerned is filled with nothing but hits.

Arguably the most distinctive drum introduction in the history of rock music was played by legendary session man, Hal Blaine. Other players on the session included, Sonny Bono on percussion, Leon Russell on piano and Cher, who was working for Spector at the time, sang backup vocals. Martin Scorcese effectively used the track over the opening credits of his break-through film, "Mean Streets" and if I'm not mistaken, a second time in "Goodfellas". These were two of the first films to construct a soundtrack out of pop songs.

By the way, that favorite line from the song, the one that knocked me out, "...for every kiss you give me, I'll give you three..." - doesn't get any better than that whether or not you have acne.

Experience #33: I see dead Peeps.